Why do I feel so bad for having a stupid chemical attraction to and slight interest in someone else when I know I can't have Matt? It isn't like he asked me to wait for him. It isn't like we're together and there's nothing to prove that there will ever be a chance for us to be together. Why, then, would I let this opportunity go by and instead foolishly wait 4 years for something that might not even happen? Yes, I love him. I will always love him. But I'm lonely, I want to be hugged... yes, I want to be kissed, and I want to be cuddled. I miss it and I can't look forward to going home and having him there anymore...He isn't there. He just isn't there. I can't run to him for hugs, for cuddling while watching a movie, falling asleep together, listening to jazz, god knows hoping for a kiss. He is gone. So why do I feel so guilty?