Shut up. Shut up. Shut UP. No, I'm lonely because Matt is gone and hasn't written. Then, when I need to talk to someone about all this shit and calm down no one is here. And why's that? Because I'm too fucking weak to tell the fucking story again. Honestly I'm not even sure that I can again. So, everyone else is just going to have to wait until the book is done... if the fucker doesn't kill me first.
I dont get enough hugs here. At home everyone knows the rule. Shelby steps in to the room, she gets hugs dammit. Everything feels so fucking distant in this city and it makes Matt and Cody and everyone just seem farther. And the fact that Matt hasn't written, and Shane never calls... I dont know. I always used to call Matt when this shit got out of control. When I found myself balling in the bathroom, gagging because I couldn't breathe and was crying so hard. I dont know if I can finish writing it without him being around to understand and put me back together when it breaks me. Why do I feel so abandoned when I know why he had to go?
It's a motherfucker
how much I understand
The feeling that you need someone
To take you by the hand.
And you wont ever be the same.
You wont ever be the same.
- the Eels