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An Open Letter To Coffee Shop Douchebag

Hey there, Grandpa Douchebag.

You don't look like the kind of guy who understands the function of the coffee shop. I say this because you walked in eating donuts from another establishment, and then plopped your three children directly next to the girl with a laptop who is clearly working on something, instead of occupying one of the totally empty other areas. You then proceeded to make a call on your flip phone and shout into it while standing 2 feet away from me. I don't need to know that you were at the park, or what you're planning for dinner, or when you're going to meet up with whoever it is these children belong to. I also don't need you to feed them soda pop and do nothing while they fight over the newspaper comics.

And you say our generation has no respect or courtesy. That's cute.

Now please, get the hell of here before I have to club one of these blond hellions with my coffee mug.

Regards,

Wrytin Befour Hughgothere

ETA: You're seriously whistling now? Over top of the music? Four people actually just left the coffee shop and cast you angry looks on the way out. You are still oblivious. Get a handle on this, or I will find a way to wound you with my saucer.

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Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
nila_rena
Nov. 7th, 2010 03:36 pm (UTC)
Oh dear! *hugs*
(Anonymous)
Jul. 2nd, 2011 01:30 am (UTC)
Dear coffee shop grandpa,

Thanks for bringing in the kids to help clear out some of the people treating the public space as their personal office. It's astonishing how many people believe they are owed something simply because they want it. It's easy to justify something when it benefits you but so few people will try to look at themselves from other people's perspectives. Hopefully your continued visits will inspire some self-reflection in the self-entitled coffee shop office workers. And yes, you are as free to whistle as they are to endlessly occupy space that other customers may wish to use.
virtuistic
Jul. 3rd, 2011 10:29 pm (UTC)
Aw, that's cute.
Dear Anonymous,

Thanks for actually reading the content of this letter, which clearly states that there were other empty areas that could have been happily occupied by a cabal of rowdy, over-caffeinated children -- or anyone else who felt displaced by my "endless" occupation of a single chair in the corner.I'd almost forgotten that a lot of people convince themselves it is perfectly acceptable to allow children to run, shout and fight in public places, because hey, they're kids! Discipline is too passe for these adorable little spawnlings.

Also, screaming into a cell phone in close proximity to someone is the new black. Technology is here, and I guess we should all expect to eavesdrop involuntarily. It's not like that's rude at all, even when your voice is interfering with the barista's ability to hear the paying customers1.

But sure, I mean, who frequents a local coffee shop (No, I don't actually work there.) that is usually placid and expects common courtesy from fellow patrons? Or in this case, occupants -- because they didn't actually patronize the establishment. They brought in their own food and beverages before ruining the experience of at least five paying customers who were happily and unobtrusively enjoying a communal, relaxing atmosphere that is the established norm at this place of business.

Again, thanks for taking the time to read that before hastening to the rescue of a blatantly inconsiderate individual and misbehaved, undisciplined children. I really appreciate the reminder that some people believe they are entitled to subject everyone else to their brats because hey, it's a public place and who has time for manners these days?

1 This will be important later.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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