I got a text message from Barack Obama's campaign today telling me that I could win a dinner with the president at George Clooney's house and the air fare would be covered. It's been irking me for hours.

To clarify, it's not that I don't think the event would be awesome. Clearly, it'd be a heck of a lot of fun and a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I mean c'mon, you'd get to hang out with the most influential man on the planet [reminder: we still have hundreds of nukes] and one of Hollywood's finest charmers -- and no, I totally don't care that George is twice my age. His smile still has the power to transform my kneecaps into gelatin. It's that, as much as I would enjoy that little vacation, I don't need it.

In point of fact, I have several things that I do legitimately need -- all of which could be taken care of if they gave me the money that will go into preparing that dinner, flying some lucky bastard into LAX, and paying for all the Secret Service staff shifts and travel expenses. I could buy groceries for the first time in a month. I currently require toilet paper, but cannot buy any until Friday. I could start repaying back my federal student loans, which I've never been able to make a dent in because I simply don't make enough to pay back the sums I had to borrow to get the degree that got me my college-required job. Thinking about it in that way just makes me disgusted that it's such an incredibly wasteful and unnecessary gimmick.

Call me crazy, but I expect better from my president. I know it's a campaign year and it's super tough to get cranky, disenfranchised voters to the polls. The glistening sheen of a historical election has kind of lost a little bit of its luster now and the GOP actually offered up a candidate that isn't completely batshit cray -- but this isn't a freaking game show. I don't want to be the lucky contestant that gets to come on down for a delux dinner with celebrities. I want my politicians to do things that make a positive difference, and this dinner doesn't do that. It's so temporary and pointless, it makes me sad. That expenditure of time and resources could -- and I think should -- be spent on something much more worthy.

It's not surprising that "What are you wary about today" is the Question of the Day due, given the ever-forboding Ides of March; however, its timing is convenient because I finally feel like I can adequately explain my answer.

In recent weeks, I have been very anxious and I couldn't put my finger on what was causing it. I knew that being the single night-side Web Producer in a Top 15 Nielsen Market station in an election year would be difficult, if not only because it would dramatically increase the amount of political coverage I'd have to kick out on top of the day's news. As predicted, the workload is heavier, the days are longer, and the content is more intellectually exhausting. I know I'm tired and that I tend to be more sensitive when I'm not well rested, but I never counted on these emotions.

I spent weeks struggling to figure out why I feel like I''m being muffled or silenced. I feel like my voice isn't being heard. This, of course, is absurd. I write and publish dozens of articles as accurately as I can on the daily in the office. Every night, I speak with a group of friends about what nonsense our political leaders have gotten up to. The next morning, I share some of it online if I'm still feeling riled. Half a dozen usually people respond and even more "like" it.

After further analysis, I realized that the issue was not that the information wasn't well-presented or recieved. It's that I don't feel the gravity of the data is sinking in. Basically, what I am saying is that I'm losing my inner honeybadger, and am to the point where I am now giving several shits. In fact, I give so many that I am constantly carrying around a heap of cynical crap, but I don't always feel like other people are giving their fair fecal contribution to the issue.

Now, I do realize that I am more susceptible to these steaming servings due to my near-constant political immersion at work of late, and I am fully willing to admit that some of the little things occasionally seem more dramatic than they actually are. However, there are some profoundly disturbing trends right now and it scares me that a lot of people are so disenchanted they just don't care. I also think I'm feeling particularly vulnerable because I am a woman.

By now, I think everyone knows that certain Legislative movements in various states and comments by political figureheads have been very offensive and demeaning to women. Some of them I believe to be crimes against humanity, and the constant struggle for a woman's right to govern her own body and health freely is demoralizing when harmful obstacles are being put in the way of care in a blatantly hypocritical and sexist way. Abortion is legal, yet women in Texas will essentially need to consent to being raped with a 10-inch wand and then go home and think about her choice for 24 hours, no doubt causing considerable physical discomfort and emotional distress, before she can access a procedure that was previously offered without those measures. Working women in Arizona who use contraceptive medicines to control migraines or crippling PMS may face an employer's interrogation over their sex lives or lose their jobs. Religious organizations are furious that the Obama administration wants insurance companies to cover contraceptive medicines, but no one seems to care that most insurers cover Viagra and vasectomies, which are all the rage during March Madness. Over 600,000 American men get them each year.

The tenor of discussions in the media is almost more revolting, especially with shock jocks calling women who use birth control sluts and suggesting that having insurance cover medication is akin to wanting to be paid for sex. Having a presidential candidate who was quoted on the 1994 campaign trail saying single mothers are "breeding more criminals" doesn't help either, especially when you consider that a lawmaker in my home state now wants to legally recognize single-parenthood as a contributing factor to child abuse.

It's not just the women's issues that I think should be pulling at the public's attention either. There's the fact that signed a bill into law that tramples the First Amendment-guaranteed right to assembly and could make protesting a political event a crime. Or that he gave the green light to drones over the U.S. despite unanswered concerns about privacy, regulation, maintenance cost and security. Don't even get me started on the National Defense Authorization Act and the death of habeus corpus.

These are all decisions and discussions that will affect -- and are already impacting -- the lives of millions of Americans. These issues, votes and signatures could fundamentally alter the way our country operates -- largely for the worse, I fear. I worry even more when I see my fellow citizens willfully maintain political ignorance or flatly deny facts -- like that the rate of violent crime severely declined after the legalization of abortion, and that child abuse has also declined. Or that research consistently shows that teen pregnancies increase under abstinence-only education because -- SPOILER ALERT -- it doesn't lead to abstinence. Yet, some people will argue passionately that these are not observable truths and fight to make them into policy under law.

It seems to me that many Americans do not have an appropriate sense of perspective when it comes to politics. Many of the passionate few are ideologues, the passively-interested crowd tends to be fickle, but even more people are genuinely apathetic. Hell, over 40 percent of the eligible population just simply didn't vote in 2008. Now, there's talk of voter disenfranchisement and we haven't even got a GOP nominee yet.

Part of it is the fault of the media, and I know that I too am among the guilty. We know that anything longer than 500 words -- e.g. this virtual novella -- won't get any attention from most web surfers. So, we keep it brief to remain competitive while providing a service I still believe is fundamentally important to democracy. However, in doing so, we lose so much nuance in brevity. It's hard to adequately relay the tangible, human effects in 3 minutes of fleeting airtime, though many fine professionals give it their best shot every day to varying degrees of success. But I feel like we've lost a lot of depth and comprehension in our quest for creating the fastest and dispassionately concise news fare. Just earlier today, I complemented our weekend anchor on a a story he did about barbers seeking a law to require a license to display a barber pole. It was quirky yet oddly easy to relate to, and it was an American story. He said to me, "It felt great to do a real story again. We don't do that anymore." It's a sad commentary that proves all to true on more days than not.

The thing that keeps my feet on the ground -- and me in the saddle at the news desk -- is that there is still time and there is motion. The New York Times had a fascinating profile on how Centrist -- even moderate Republican -- women are growing disenchanted with the GOP-led restrictions and candidates, though sadly some now say they feel less inclined to vote. Yet, there are those who now plan to vote for -- and campaign for -- Obama now. A prominent employee of Goldman Sachs publicly proclaimed disgust at the company's culture and practices, ultimately quitting as a matter of conscience. Locally, a judge just denied a bank's attempt to demand a quarter of a million dollars from an elderly Minnesota man who was struggling with dementia when the loan was signed. And even though they're awful, hateful and dangerous amendment proposals like gay marriage bans and voter identification laws will bring people to ballot boxes. Oh, and it's totally awesome that judges are declaring those laws unconstitutional, because they totally are.

But we need an informed populace. This is vital, because the ignorant are easily misled with manipulative emotional ploys or misrepresented statistics. Is there any better example than the KONY 2012 viral campaign that swept across social media this week, despite the fact that Kony hasn't been seen in Uganda since 2005 and the people behind the project only put about 30 percent of all revenues toward their stated mission? Or the fact that the charity, Invisible Children, said Thursday it's not actually affiliated with KONY 2012, and the translated screening in Uganda was shut down when viewers began hurling rocks in outrage? Yet, millions of people shared this video as if it were the biggest social crisis they'd seen while completely ignoring that child sex trafficking happens in the U.S. too. Perspective, man. I'm telling you.

When society starts to think that liking a Facebook status is tantamount to political involvement, we need to do more to educate our neighbors and discuss what is important in our communities. After all, helping our fellow countrymen should be a happy task for us because every little improvement makes us all stronger. In that mindset we can begin to succeed, and I think we still can.

Sometimes, our success manifests itself in really strange and beautiful ways.

Tonight, I was frustrated with work. We had a lot of potential spot-news false starts, which kept bringing my workflow to a screeching halt. My reporters were late in getting me their scripts, thus making me scramble. My coworker didn't do a very simple request, and I think it was an intentional omission.

But you know what? I powered through it. Despite all of the challenges, I got out at midnight, which is an improvement on the norm -- considering even seamless nights could get stretched to 1:30 with the damn video machine. Also, I completed everything I needed to -- and made time to do a few extra things as well, including the request that was skipped.

Sure, I came home cranky and feeling grumpy abut tomorrow, but then I got on Facebook to make my usual late-night rounds and saw some comments that pulled me to the FOX 9 page. One of them was for a viewer thanking us for putting the videos of our weekly fitness segments on the web. This was something I just kind of started doing and branded as FOX 9 Fitness on my own, because I thought it would be a unique offering that could be bookmarked and referenced by fitness fiends. Now, not only are they being sought, but the users are requesting them by branded name.

When I saw that and looked back on the day, I realized there's a reason I do what I do. I'm really fucking good at it.

I don't even know what to do with you anymore, humankind.

Sometimes I really think I should give myself more credit when it comes to my level of self control. While it's true that I generally am a very impulsive person, my impulses have been telling me to kill and burn for several hours and I have done neither yet. Success!

Tonight is a pivotal moment for me. Up until now, I did not fully align myself with the Occupy Wall Street protests. I sympathized with many of their sentiments and complaints, but I had reservations about the movement because it was and remains very nebulous. There is no specific solution they are fighting for other than general change, and there are vehement disagreements inside the movement about how to achieve that redress of grievances.

Then, after a particularly distressing night of work, I was making my usual rounds of ye old Intarwebs when my Twitter feed started to explode. YouTube videos of tear gas and rubber bullets erupting into a standing crowd started pouring in, along with signs of solidarity from across the country. A blatant violation of our constitutional rights occurred in Oakland, Calif., and President Barack Obama was fundraising just 10 miles away.

Many arguments about how the protestors were warned have already been made, but they are moot. The people pay for the police to protect them, not to use violence against them because a governmental body decided they had enough of peaceable assembly. No matter which side of the fence you are on, the taxpaying people own the streets -- not the city, not the state, not the federal government. In America, law-abiding adults are free to be outside their home at any hour they choose. The First Amendment is very explicit:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

There is no ambiguity here. These people were not rioting. They were standing in a public space with their peers, causing no harm to person or property -- and they were met with violence by the people they pay to protect them because a government of few had a rapid change of opinion and decided it no longer wanted the protestors to be where they were. For weeks, cities and counties have found ways to declare the protestors' actions illegal to try to hamper and dissuade them, but they are not stopping.

For the first time since these demonstrations began, I hope they don't stop. I may join them this weekend, consequences be damned. I have largely used my employment as a journalist as an excuse to stay away from the protests to avoid creating a perception of bias for the company I represent, but I love this job because it serves the people by providing a service that is crucial to the maintenance of freedom. I now believe that our basic freedoms are under assault. The only solution to this is to remind those sitting in our elected offices who they serve. They have gotten away with not having to listen to us for too long.

I think a few fundamental concepts are escaping the majority of those in power right now.

Firstly, a peaceful population is not necessarily a passive population. Just because we have the moral fortitude not to shoot at and burn those with whom we disagree or disapprove of, that doesn't mean mass discontent is any less threatening. Countless moments in history -- even current events like the Arab Spring -- have repeatedly shown that the will of people cannot and should not be suppressed. Especially not by force.

Secondly, the people of this country do not exist to maintain the government and companies within the borders. Both are supposed to serve us. They exist to perform services we, the people, either request or demand -- but we do not need them, and it is getting to the point where we don't want what they're serving us. They must remember that and adapt or perish, because at the end of the day, the Wall Street protestors are fighting for the American Dream. For the chance at life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. With the way this country seems to be going, this movement might be that reverie's last stand.

Wow. That was a really weird experience. Chrome logged me out of LJ, and then told me I needed to create an account and didn't have the log-in prompt at the top of the screen. Did I mess up something with all my browser-hacking, or is this a problem others have experienced of late?

Anyway, this week has been arduous, to say the very least. Nearly every work day has been an 11-hour one, and it's because of baseball. It's been interesting because the game usually eats our 5 p.m. broadcast, so I have a LOT of time to post more web content beyond just reporter scripts and tweak the website. That's been fun and informative, and y'know what? I thought we were going to have a miserable week pageview-wise because I figured without the newscast, people wouldn't see stories they wanted to share or would just flake on the news for a day or two. Not so! I raked 15,000 more than the totals for 4 weeks ago and 52 weeks ago today, and I feel like a web champion.

Buuuuut it also means our programming schedule has been totally jacked. Prime time shows are getting pushed back, and so is our broadcast. That means we don't get off air until after 11 p.m. Thus, I don't get to leave until hella late because our video capabilities are crippled on good days.

It also means I constantly have to deal with people asking questions about why we don't have the updated schedule posted on our website. The answer for this is because this shit is -- literally -- done on the fly. We don't know when the show will start, because we don't know if there will be extra innings or a rain delay or whatever else. We don't know until the game starts whether FOX is going to bump its prime time line-up to follow the game or not. We are flying by the seat of our pants, people. It's exhausting.

In other news, I have pretty much decided that this weekend I will buckle down and CLEAN ALL THE THINGS. I will hit the grocery store and pick up some yarn for what I think will be my next Super Fun Project That Might Even Make Me Money. I'm going to make a kids' scarf with "pawkets" and a matching hat with cat ears. I figure if it turns out well, I'll take pictures and put it on Etsy as a will-make-to-order item and then give the first-draft to Holly and Corey's little Lydia. Then, I will make one for quirky adults like me.

Also, you're welcome for this.

Well, I'm going alone... but my camera's memory card is clear and I've got fresh, lithium batteries. Pretty Lights and Bonobo, here I come.

So, I have decided that I need to revive my journaling practices. There are many reasons why I feel this will be beneficial, and mostly I miss it. I miss my el jay friends, and I miss writing just to write it out, y'know?

I have several things I plan to do in the coming months, and I'm really excited about them. Here's just a few:

1. I'm going to do more music reviews. I really enjoy it and I want to get better at it.


2. I'm performing music again. My friend Laurel and I went busking for the first time last week, and we brought in 50 bucks. It was the most fun I've had in a long time, and I can't wait to practice more and get better.


3. I'm crocheting again, and doing more complex patterns than I've ever tried before. To my great surprise, I'm actually really good at it. Soon, I will be adding a Victorian handpurse to my Etsy store -- along with dread falls.


4. I'm going to get back to work on my novel. It will be a slow return to it, but I fully intend to attack it during November.

Life has the potential to be really awesome if I come flying out of the gate with this. I just need to find the balance and not get overwhelmed by the overlapping projects.

OK. I know I've been woefully negligent about updating this and believe me, I am sorry. It has, in recent months, been the source of significant strife. BUT! By now, most of y'all should know me AND know that I am quite prone to avoiding things that make me feel guilty or less-than-adequate, and I hope you'll forgive me for continuing that undoubtedly irresponsible trend.

THAT SAID. I've had something of a revelation tonight. Lately, I've been spending a lot of time thinking about where I came from and how much it fucked me right up and how lucky I am to have escaped that miserable hellhole mostly unscathed. Tonight, however, I saw at least six Facebook statuses from friends I made in Minnesota that have moved away and are coming back for visits soon -- and all of them are followed by exclamation points and much rejoicing.

Here's the thing: Minnesota saved me. I'm not even close to joking. I ran away from Wisconsin as fast and as far as I could for my means when I graduated high school. I met lovely people who proved to me that life is not only filled with death, self loathing, addiction and crippling depression. In fact, it's full of the beautiful manifestations of nature and deep, honest conversation, genuine care, and a desire to share experiences through mutual interests and discuss them later at great length.

I don't understand exactly why the culture here is so different from the one that is -- essentially -- just four hours away on a good day without construction delays, but it is. Vastly, and to a point that it sometimes feels like the border between the two goes far beyond geography.

I'm still not sure quite why that is. We speak the same language and carry many of the same traditions, but the social approaches and experiences available to be had are markedly different. I sometimes think it seems almost ungrateful for me to say it's better, but my experience tells me that it really just is better. I used to refer to myself as a Wisconsinite who expatriated, but now I really think of myself as a Minnesotan, even though I was not raised here and the majority of my life was spent living elsewhere.

Still, even though I haven't left yet, I think I know why people are excited to come back and why they appreciate it as much as they do. I know I'm not going to spend the rest of my life living here, even though I do, genuinely, love it. I can feel the end coming slowly, and within a few years I expect I'll probably be in Colorado or on a coast because my soul wants mountain ranges and ocean tides. When that happens, I know I'll visit, and I'll doubtless have the same enthusiasm as those who are returning now.

Minnesota is marvelous. I don't know that I'll ever be able to adequately sing its praises, but it's kind of a humble, self-aware sort of state so that's totally OK. It's beautiful, it's entirely honest if you don't have a problem with passive-aggressive politeness, and it's rich with diverse cultures, food, music, art and education. Most of what I've learned here never came from an institution, even though I learned a metric shitton at the U of M. I learned survival in Wisconsin, but I learned acceptance, admiration without jealousy, community pride and true resourcefulness -- interconnectivity and the benefits thereof, that is -- here. In this environment, I was able to acknowledge who I was, to love myself without anyone else's approval and find dozens of friends who love me for me, not just what I can provide them.

The thing that struck me tonight was that I don't ever feel anything but relief, peace and excitement when I return to my home in Minneapolis. I honestly didn't believe in the concept of home until, well, probably 10 minutes ago. I've thought of myself as transient, as taking "home" with me in my body and mind, never anchoring it to a place because -- in my experience -- a place is not truly permanent or safe. Now, I realize that's not true anymore.

Never once have I felt manipulated by someone here, or felt used for personal gain. Sure, I have been consulted for advice. I have had friends ask or attempt to bribe me for help, but they've always been upfront about it and I've also had many offer me help unbidden. In fact, I've had friends hunt me down just because I hadn't talked to them in awhile and they were concerned, which was totally new to me. The honesty here is pervasive.

There is truth to be found here, and maybe that's why I was drawn here in the first place. Whatever siren song brought me to these shores, there's something special about this place and I now know that no matter how far I wander, I will come back. Everyone does. We can't help it, and we don't really want to.