How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

( Punchline, ahoy. )

ZING!

I am really, very happy right now. :)

I am quarantined for the next 24 hours, and it sucks.

I started getting a sore throat on Sunday night, and it just got worse all day yesterday. Due to the ferocity and lack of other symptoms, I had a sneaking suspicion that it was strep. Well, self-diagnosis correct! Confirmed by my doctor this morning. I don't know that I've ever been more displeased about being right before...

Seriously, you guys. The Doc didn't even swab me. She looked at my tonsils, said "Gah!" and then wrote me a prescription.

Right now I just feel like an idiot for not going to the doctor yesterday when I suspected it in the first place. I thought about it, but told myself to just tough it out and see if it was an allergy-related thing that would go away. Now, I've exposed a bunch of people to a really contagious and unpleasant illness and I feel like an ass.

I'm going to feel really awful if M gets sick. I came home from work and he and I hung out, talked, and looked at a bunch of his old pictures while I sipped whiskey. Shut up. Don't judge me. I'm Irish, it's a remedy of my Grandma's, and it friggen worked.

He just texted me and said that I should rest and that he feels fine. Nothing coming on, and that I shouldn't worry about it. I still feel like a tool.

Despite the guiltfest, it was really nice to be able to sit next to and snuggle with someone when I was feeling so crappy. He asked me to stay the night, so I slept over and I slept really well. Until this morning, when I woke up in a cold sweat and decided that I had definitely pushed my luck too far and needed to be in my own bed, if not at the doctor's office.

Ugh. The pills I have make me really nauseous too. Thank goodness I only have to take them once a day instead of your standard antibiotics. I was really worried about taking them though, because I'm allergic to most antibiotics, and drug allergies are nothing to mess with. Especially when you consider how low my blood pressure usually is. I would not pass go, would not collect $200, and would go straight into anaphalactic shock.

I just don't want to fucking sit inside all day, but going out into public would be irresponsible since I'm still contagious until noon tomorrow. So, I guess it's a day of violent films, old school Nintendo and incessant bitching.

I have returned from the land of cheese and beer!

My room is clean and I have been having a marvelous time with my free days. Had a fabulous grill-out with KT last night. Venison brats, grilled red and yellow bell peppers, grilled onions, and grilled asparagus were consumed. As well as organic wheat beers! Huzzah!

I Highly Recommend: Mothership Wit & Bell's Oberon brews

It was my second night in a row of culinary brilliance! I made tortellini with fresh garlic, prosciutto, asparagus and mushrooms in a homemade moscarpone cheese sauce with garlic crostinis on Wednesday night.

The weather has been amazing. Normally I'd be running around trying to convince people to play frisbee or soccer with me, but my legs have just been dead. On Wednesday, I biked 28.8 miles and my legs have been leading a revolt ever since. I'm hoping by tomorrow I'll be able to do some cardio again.

And I'm working on making my Car Musicks Compendium v. Electricky mix... so far it's coming together really nicely. Same requirement: Must sound bitchin' when passing someone or taking a curve on the interstate. So I'm off to get ready to work, but I'll be back with another one of those block rockin' beats. You know how I do.

So I can't decide if this is this is the gayest thing ever or if it's the most brilliant advertising campaign I've ever seen.

What do you think?

Poll #1381409 Gay or Nay?
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

What do you think?

P.S. Make sure to watch the slow-mo. There are CLOSE-UPS.

Today is a day of accomplishments for me. I'm feeling optimistic and am looking forward to this weekend, which is weird. Normally when I go home I have a knot in my throat the size of a grapefruit.

Had a great lay-in this morning, but got up was productive! I packed away my laundry to take home, packed up my dresses and my shoes, and my toiletries. But I didn't stop there! Nay! Straightened up my room, changed my bed linens, vacuumed, sorted my mail, took care of my outstanding bills, and now I am ALL. CAUGHT. UP. on my student loans and the relief is just amazing.

It's going to be great to come back to a clean room too! It's been way too long. Life is good.

OH! And I get to bust out TEH AWESOME DRIVING MIX. I AM IRRATIONALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS.

I am so pumped for this mix. I think it's by far the most ambitious project I've undertaken, and -- by the luck of some deity -- is the best mix I've ever made.

The idea came out of need. I have a 4 hour drive to make this weekend, and I wanted a non-stop rockathon that would require absolutely no switching or decision-making on my part. My only qualification was that all songs would have to sound really bitchin' going around the curves on the interstate.

This mix crosses several genres of rock music, from classic rock to hard rock to piano rock to alt rock to punk rock and back. It's pretty diverse, and I love the way it transitions and comes full circle. I don't know where else you'd find a mix that contains U2, Papa Roach and The Eagles and Guster...

DISCLAIMER: This is definitely not something you want to listen to if your mom is in the car -- unless she's a super cool mom who doesn't mind the occasional f-bomb.

Without any further ado, I give you 70 songs; 4 hours, 18 minutes and 20 seconds of music that will rock your face off and carry you through the curves:

Car Musicks Compendium
v. RAWK Music
Click to download

( Track List )

( Dedications )

Keep an eye out for the next installments of the Car Musicks Compendium: versions "Countreh" and "Electricky" are in the works. XD

As always, feedback appreciated!

YOU GUYS I THINK A GHOST JUST SAT DOWN ON ME.

I don't know what the hell just happened but this icy chill just plunged into my lap, up and climbed into my chest and then literally slid down the tops of my arms like fingertips. Now it feels like it's hands are sliding up and down my arms and it is CREEPING MY SHIT RIGHT OUT.

ETA: OMG IT TOUCHED MY NECK. LIKE A FINGER TIP DOWN MY NECK. THERE WAS PRESSURE. I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

A drab brown street crab
Scuttles, skittish down concrete
Coastlines, clacking claws.

First frost now tasted,
Jump ship and break for the South,
Toward sugar sun.

An open water
Snake carries paper kayaks
To balmy bayous.

But green needles stab,
Cold winter cacti with cones,
Defiant, lasting.

You guys! It's my birthday tomorrow! I'm turning old.

Surprisingly though, this is the first year where I really don't feel like a fuckup while facing my birthday. It's nice to look back and feel like I've accomplished what I set out to, and that I'm in a good place for 24 and still in my prime.

Still, I'm feeling a little off-kilter today. I'm sure it'll be better once I'm out with my friends, but for now -- y'all wanna love me a little bit? Because I definitely love you.

Here's my up-beat twitter-style post of things which are currently pleasing me greatly:

• Sunshine!
  
• Coming in to work to find two kinds of cake!
  
• Only having 900 e-mails piled up from the weekend instead of the usual 1600!

I am okay with this Monday of mine.

Way to go, Iowa. ♥

*sigh* I want to go shopping.

I wish every man owned one of these. That would be dynamite.

I am really trying to talk myself out of buying this, but it's so cute and I don't have a little spring jacket! I really wish this wasn't out of stock. I would buy that in a heartbeat without hesitation. Too friggen cute.

I do, however, need a basic trench. My wardrobe is currently devoid of one. Tim Gunn would be displeased with me. I would like to submit Exhibit A and Exhibit B for consideration.

Also, I want this, but I'm not sure where I'd wear it. Still. Do want. I would, however, wear the hell out of this dress. You bet I would. And this one. Oh, this one too -- although only on a big damn boat. This is all ridiculous though, considering I rarely wear dresses and have more pressing needs.

In other news, this is high in the running for fugliest footwear ever. Closely followed by these bad boys. I would adore these if they didn't look so cheap and painful. I really enjoy the concept though. Is it just me, or have shoes been really disappointing so far this year?

Seriously, you guys. One thing is clear. If I had money, I would have the sweetest wardrobe ever.

I just want to say thank you to all of you guys who rose so magnificently to the occasion of cheering me up the other night. You have no idea how much it meant to me. Thank you times a million from the bottom of my heart.

♥ ♥ ♥

The Beat

Amid floor-to-ceiling wall tapestries and discarded board games
I nestle into over-caffeinated childhood.
Uncle Wiggly looks over my shoulder
A shabby, unglued Cyclops paperback glares at my shoe.
These abandoned pastimes never earn the spotlight
Between the fistfight brawl carried out between jazz and alt rock
But all pales to the conversations over French presses.
"Incompatible notions" and the clanking of espresso tools.
Jittery java and mason jars
Wooden chairs and rickety tables
Hoards flock to drink in life liquefied
And carry their motion through the night.
Coffee bean nationalities criss-cross the globe
Far-flung flavors meet the same fate.
Roasted dry
Ground up
Scalded
Squashed.
Whoever said you shouldn't play with your food clearly never drank coffee.

Arabesque

Featherweight flakes fall at 4 a.m.
Lacing a mesh veil across the shingled rooftops
Subduing the soundwaves and snores into silence
Muffling the wail of the morning's crime hounds.
Yet, soft as long-hair fur
It clings delicately to eyelashes,
Drawn by the same invisible electric gravity.
Sticky, static sparks flutter past streetlights and signposts.
Unguided, they heed no direction
Follow no prescribed path
But wander along in the wistful wind,
Spiraling away from a simple diagonal decline.
They hop back up toward the heavens
Catapulting and kareening joyfully back aloft
Momentarily lighter than the air.
But the arabesque eventually ends.
Begrudgingly, they reunite with the downward road
To rest on a riot of their peers.

You guys, I am having a really bad day. Will you help me?

Can I get some silly testimonials?
Can I get a little love?
Will you talk with your icons?
Will you rec me some icons?

I need something. I'm not sure what it is, but I feel lonely and dejected and I need something.

Oh lordy. I've got a birthday coming, and I was hoping to do something epic. Right now, the plan is to just go out for drinks with a boatload of friends, but I am not satisfied.

Also, I need to find a way to out-do last year's April Fool's Day prank on worthyopponent. I worked together some yarn, and tied her door shut so that he could only open it a few inches, and then I hung a scissors just out of her reach. Now you see why I'm having difficulty upping the ante...

What do you think? Got anything for me?

Poll #1375789 Riddle me this
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Do you have any amazing suggestions for birthday shenanigans?

Do you have any truly epic April Fool's Day prank suggestions?

I fear my little brother is lost. I don't know what happened to his mind, but sometime in his developmental years all of my father's skewed conservatism siphoned into him and now he is little more than an antagonistic parrot who apparently lives to jab people in the ribs to see if he can get a rise out of them.

He sent me to a link today to a radio show in which some loud-mouthed talking head was tearing apart some politician for attempting to tackle the issue of educating the children of law-abiding illegal aliens. As predicted, the usual garbage came out: stealing a spot at a public university that belongs to a true-blooded American, illegal means illegal means bad, rewarding a crime will only bring more illegals who will drain on our system, blah blah blah.

Interestingly enough, the first woman who called defended the legislation -- which would allow illegals who have been living in the state for more than 3 years and have been law-abiding and contributed to society to pay in-state tuition at public universities as long as they sign a waiver of intent to naturalize. Of course, she felt the need to remind them that she's a "Republican who bleeds red, white, and blue," unlike those black-hearted lefties working to hack away at the moral fibers of this country. Still, she felt that the immigration laws for citizenship are archaic and unnavigable, and need to be adjusted. And that for those who are law-abiding tax-payers and their children who work hard should be able to seek opportunity just like anyone else. I was shocked and relieved to know that there is at least one Republican in all of Wisconsin who seems to be able to get beyond the lowest common denominator of "illegal means bad!"

After a few more callers and general shouting, the actual politician who authored the bill called in to issue a "Hang on a damn second" defense. Of course, any time he tried to give any details of the bill the host would remind him that "he's not running the show." Asking him things like "what part of illegal don't you understand?" To which the politician simply stated that he believed the laws are outdated and need to be adjusted to not leave behind a perfectly healthy sect of the population and demonize them for trying to follow the American dream. Well played, sir.

This is the problem I have: the arrogance of the right wing. These people will jump all over you if you dare to suggest that "all men are created equal" applies also to those who live outside our borders, if you dare to imply that perhaps every single person on the planet has a right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. They will shout you down about this so-called "entitlement mentality" and will insist that only those who pay actually "deserve" have an opportunity to reap the rewards of this country.

This idea, to me, is cruel and exclusionary and leads to a dangerous path. It feeds this notion that "America is the greatest country ever" and that our citizens are somehow superior to anyone who wishes to become a citizen of our country, that Americans deserve by right of their birth to come first, and that they must be protected from newcomers who are somehow less trustworthy than those born on American soil.

The oversimplification is disgusting. This notion that the law is law and is therefore right and true and should be followed to the letter is absurd. The law is meant to change to better accommodate the people. The idea that we're "rewarding bad behavior" when we change the law is inane. I don't understand how anyone can honestly look at a person who is working, paying taxes, and has demonstrated a commitment to living in a specific area and trying to improve their fortunes in life and say that that person is doing something wrong.

I also love that the "intellectual elite" are somehow evil people. Since when is critical thinking a bad thing? When did being educated become a con? I guess we should be reverting to rule by the down-to-earth folksy people who don't seem to know that Africa is a continent, not a country. That seems like an excellent idea. Then we can all sit around the proverbial fire, refuse to see shades of gray and shout that ILLEGAL MEANS BAD REGARDLESS OF CONTEXT.